Abusement Park: Raccoon Assaults Guests in Line for Roller Coaster

Disclaimer: While this article contains fur-real facts, it’s masked with satire.

Spring is in the process of springing, which means that it’s time for baseball season, the sun being out for longer, and our favorite pastime – waiting in interminable lines at amusement parks. Putting in hours of time for 90 seconds of pleasure is a lot like being in the dating pool, but that’s a different story for another time.

That being said, it’s hard to figure out what the worst thing about a long line at a theme park is. It is throwing up during the ride after waiting so long, or throwing up while waiting in it out of pure boredom?

Is it the slow realization that Dippin’ Dots calls themselves “The Ice Cream Of The Future” even though it’s been around for decades and ice cream hasn’t changed at all? Or is it a rogue raccoon, attacking you while you wait? Because that’s exactly what went down late last month in Hersheypark, with two injuries reported.

TMZ reports that the rampaging raccoon struck on March 29th, opening day at Hersheypark, the pride of Hershey, Pennsylvania (other than the chocolate, that is). And while the 29th was also Good Friday, it wasn’t all that good for those waiting in line for the SooperDooperLooper roller coaster.

The animal first bit a girl, which isn’t that funny, then ran off with her shoe, which is actually pretty funny, tbh. The park confirmed that two guests, including the girl, were bitten by the critter. 

CBS21 got a statement from the park, stating that this is the end of random raccoon attacks at the park until their Halloween Fright Fest. Actually, that’s not what they said at all, instead, they released a statement saying it’s the first time since the park opened in 1906 that it’s happened.

“This is the first incident that we can recall of what appeared to be a frightened raccoon acting in this manner at Hersheypark.”

– Hersheypark Spokesperson

The statement continued, “We do have extensive fencing to help prevent this type of incident from occurring. Guest safety is and will always be our top priority at Hersheypark. As such, we have a full complement of public safety and health professionals on the property who responded quickly to render necessary care to the two people impacted. Out of an abundance of caution, we did transport those impacted to a local hospital for observation. While the raccoon has not been captured, it has not made another appearance in Hersheypark since the incident.”

It’s no surprise that the raccoon got away since the video clearly shows it was wearing a mask. And now it’s also wearing a shoe.