Swim and Bear It: Guests Go for a Dip at California Home

Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.

In the California heat, the bear necessities can include going for a refreshing swim in a residential yard. On a recent day, with the water unoccupied, a mother bear took it as a pool cue for her and her cub to have some aquatic relaxation.

A video captured the incident in Auburn, near Sacramento, where such bear antics are apparently fairly common. And who can blame the ursine creatures—it’s hot, bears are covered in fur, and they’re so large that they’re liable to do as they please.

Residents have been encouraged not to leave out any food that might attract bears, or foods shaped like bears that they might find offensive, such as Teddy Grahams, bottles of honey, or homemade bear-shaped cookies that humans find cute but bears could be enraged by.

“We’re warning people not to have food or drinks outside that could bring bears to the area,” said a local official, “because this could then lead to cute videos being taken that the internet loves. We’re also asking local news broadcasts not to show too many of these videos, so as not to attract and encourage local residents. Overall, there is a lot of attracting and encouraging taking place, of humans and bears, that we need to curtail.”

In the video, which apparently encourages this cycle of human and bear behavior, but I can’t help but watch because the bears are adorable, first the young cub wades in the pool while the mother walks alongside. Then she gets the child out of the water and goes for a leisurely dip herself. The cub can’t be coaxed back in the water, and just sunbathes along the edge, hopefully wearing plenty of sunscreen because the sun is really beating down.

While it is unknown why the bears chose that particular pool, a comment by someone living there may provide a clue. “It did occur to me,” the person said, “that having a pool filled with berry and salmon scented water might bring bears around. But the aromas are so pleasant to swim in, I just couldn’t resist.”

This article is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.