Wild Chimpanzees Are Drunk Too, Just Like Us

It’s a real jungle out there, and after a long day of living, who doesn’t want to blow off a little steam and catch a bit of a buzz? African chimpanzees may have more in common with us than you’d think, given that research has found that the fruit the apes consume on a daily basis can get them a little buzzed.

A University of California, Berkeley scientist has had a theory around this for 25 years, and finally published his findings, which is a long time to think about drunken animals.

In 2000, UC Berkeley professor of integrative biology Robert Dudley thought that humans’ attraction to alcohol might have something to do with the fruit that our ancestors ate, since much of it involved eating ripe fruit. “Once you start eating, it acts as an aperitif,” he said. “The pleasure of association with drinking alcohol increases feeding rates.” In 2000, our attraction to alcohol came from peer pressure and those hysterical “Wassup” ads, but maybe that’s just us.

Dudley and some others decided to test the fruit that chimpanzees eat: figs and plums. They collected the specimens of fruit from African jungles in Uganda and Côte d’Ivoire over the course of three seasons. The apes probably wondered what humans were doing taking their fruit, but were probably too buzzed to care. However, not all that buzzed, as the research found that the fruit’s alcohol content was about .3% by weight. Assuming a 90-pound chimp eats about 10 pounds of fruit, that’s the equivalent of two drinks per day, or right about the point before they drunk dial their ex.

To actually get drunk drunk, the chimps would have to eat fruit until their bellies blew up. They’d then have to answer to the rest of the animals as to why they were so fat and lazy while the rest of their family was contributing to society. But for the first time, the direct chemical measurement of ethanol in fruit shows us how much alcohol they consume. What’s not proven (and probably won’t be) is whether they’re choosing the fruit for the amount of alcohol they get from it, or just for the sugar and calories.

Dudley, on the other hand, is probably just psyched to have finally gotten his “drunk monkey” theory validated after a quarter century. “We inherited the taste for alcohol,” Dudley commented. “Even though our diets have diversified … that bias to consume quickly when this molecule is present could still be a powerful force.” So if you’re looking for another excuse as to why you like booze so much, you’ve got a scientist and a bunch of apes as another argument.

This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.