Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
Two American men were arrested Sunday in Japan after one of them scaled a fence at Ichikawa City Zoo and dropped into the dry moat surrounding the enclosure where internet-famous Punch the Monkey currently lives. Both initially tried to give Japanese officers fake names, but police were already wise to “Deez Nuts” and “Ligma Balse” and were not amused.
Punch just wants to be left alone with his IKEA monkey to do whatever it is he does with his IKEA monkey. ( Marco Verch/ccnull)
Ichikawa Police identified the suspects as Reid Jahnai Dayson, 24, listed as a university student, and Neal Jabahri Duan, 27, listed as a singer. Neither carried identification. Duan’s listed profession could not be verified, in part because asking would require admitting it matters.
According to a statement shared with CBS News partner TBS, Dayson climbed the fence wearing a costume that included a giant smiley-face head with sunglasses, prompting the monkeys to scatter. Incidentally, this was the only sensible behavior recorded at the zoo on Sunday. Police said the men did not actually reach the animals and were apprehended by zoo officials before they could create additional viral content.
Punch became an internet sensation last summer after his mother rejected him, and the zoo posted photos of him clutching an IKEA plush orangutan for comfort. He has since spawned the hashtag #HangInTherePunch and a tourism surge that has tested the patience of an entire country. Sunday’s intruders join a growing list of foreign content creators visiting Japan for the express purpose of being arrested doing stupid shit, including a Ukrainian YouTuber who livestreamed himself trespassing inside the Fukushima nuclear exclusion zone and an American known as Johnny Somali, last seen exiting South Korea in handcuffs for twerking on a war crimes memorial.
Ichikawa City Zoo announced on X that “intrusion prevention nets” would be installed starting Tuesday, patrols would be permanent, and a complete ban on video recording in front of Punch’s enclosure was on the table. The zoo also confirmed that no abnormalities had been observed in the animals, a clean bill of health that did not extend to either of the two American visitors.
The two men face charges of forcible obstruction of business, a Japanese statute they reportedly intend to refute on grounds that have not been disclosed and probably should not be encouraged.
