Florida Dog, Its Owner Collared in DUI Crash

Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.

There aren’t a ton of reasons why someone might be taking their dog for a walk after midnight on an Interstate. Sure, answering nature’s call is one thing, and while it’s generally frowned upon to relieve yourself by the side of the road, there’s a lot less stigma about it when it’s a pet. A motor vehicle breakdown is another valid reason. However, if that vehicle appears to have crashed, and then you vigorously deny it’s yours, you might just be a perfect Florida Man.

This all happened early on a Sunday morning when a trooper in Sumter County, Florida, was investigating a gold Chevrolet Trax on I-75. The Trax made some tracks off the highway, and while looking into the cause, he spotted 31-year-old Matthew McLaughlin and his dog, who we’ll just call Matthew McLaughlin’s Mutt, around Mile Marker 309. Not only was McLaughlin not able to explain what he was doing on the road at that time of night, but he “became argumentative.” 

More importantly, he denied that he’d been in a crash, suggesting that perhaps his dad or his brother had been driving. Unfortunately for him, the key fob to the car was in his pocket. Also, the presence of “several” empty Busch Light cans on the floorboard of the car suggested that a) whoever had been driving it had been drinking and b) whoever was driving it had pretty bad taste in alcohol. We frown upon drinking and driving here at Oddnews, but if you’re going to do something you should never do, go big or go home (Or actually, go big, then go home in an Uber).

At any rate, about an hour and a half after he’d been picked up, McLaughlin’s dad showed up and confirmed that while it was his vehicle, his son had been driving it. At that point, the younger McLaughlin came clean and confessed, stating, “I drank so damn much that I missed the curve on the ramp and drove straight.” McLaughlin’s dog also folded – when asked what shape his owner was in, he replied “ruff.”

McLaughlin was transported to an emergency room, where breath samples registered .082 and .078 blood alcohol content. He’d also been driving on a suspended license, so he picked up that charge as well as a DUI and hit and run, although technically it was a “hit and walk dog.” Thankfully, his dog appeared to be fine, but probably won’t want to drive with his master anytime soon.