Fun-Loving Florida Thief Offers Cops a Drink

Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.

You’ve gotta hand it to Richard Smith. The Florida man sure knows how to have a good time. If there’s one thing that helps you let loose a little, it’s an alcoholic beverage or two. That’s perhaps why, during a police chase, the guy was nice enough to offer a vodka drink to his pursuers. However, the buzzkill cops weren’t particularly interested in having one with him while on the clock.

The whole thing started on a Saturday, when Smith, a 39-year-old from Miami, decided to go on an alcohol run. That’s nothing most people haven’t done on a Saturday, because it’s the weekend, baby! The difference between most of us and Smith is that he decided to pick up the booze without paying for it. And while we don’t condone stealing, if we were to steal something, we’d probably make ourselves scarce. We’re not Smith, however, who decided to drive circles around the store until the cops showed up, at which point he sped off.

That led to a multi-mile chase that ended at an airport. But during it, the fugitive held a can of Ketel One Vodka Spritz out the window and offered it to the po-po, saying, “I was just going to give you a drink, that’s it.” This guy would be a welcome addition to any party except for the fact that this happened during a high-speed chase, and also, what happened next. Perhaps disappointed by being denied, he then tried to ram two cop cars before having his tires flattened by spike strips, bringing him to a stop.

If you thought the fun stopped when his car did, you’d be wrong. Smith got out of the car and decided to have a smoke, calmly lighting up while walking away from his disabled vehicle. The cops were a little less chill than Smith and tased him instead. Ever the entertainer, even being led away in cuffs, Smith asked the cops, “You guys had fun though, right?” Judging from the looks on their faces, the arresting officers didn’t seem to be having anywhere near as much fun as Smith was.

Now that Smith is sober, he’s probably also having considerably less fun, to the tune of two counts of aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer, battery on a law enforcement officer, two counts of resisting arrest, DUI, refusal to submit to a DUI test, and petit theft. Also, a $120,000 bond. On the other hand, he’s got a fun party story to tell for the rest of his life and an open invite to hang out with us.

This article is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.