Why did he ask to see the water list? (WNEP/X)

Disclaimer: While this article has been fact-checked for accuracy, it was found to contain 20% satire… as well as 6% state tax.

What would Jesus tip? It’s a question as old as the New Testament. Unfortunately, he was unavailable for comment despite repeated attempts, but we have some thoughts. First off, he’d have to watch to make sure wherever he ate didn’t put an automatic 20% tip on the bill, as him and 12 disciples is definitely more than a party of six. There’s also the possibility that he’d pull one of those “do you know who my dad is?” moves to try to get the whole thing comped.

But also, if he was able to able to feed multitudes with a few loaves of bread and a couple of fishes, he might opt to skip dining out entirely. That doesn’t even take into account the liquor bill since he could do that whole ‘water into wine’ party trick. Regardless of the answer, in modern days, a tip made in his name is leading to an unholy mess.

Back in 2022, a customer named Eric Smith had a stromboli at Scranton, PA eatery Alfredo’s Cafe. A sumptuous feast fit for a king at the low, low cost of only $13.25. His waitress, Mariana Lambert, was understandably shocked and moved when she received a $3,000 tip on the bill, with “Tips For Jesus” written on the check. Smith said he’d been moved to do it after seeing a trend online where similar large tips were made in the name of the lord on inexpensive orders. 

The restaurant made sure that he was serious, and once he confirmed he was, they gave Lambert the $3k. However, several weeks later, they received a letter saying that Smith was disputing the charge and the tip. Attempting to get Smith to deliver, they did what any sane person owed a large sum of money would do and asked him to pay up via social media. Smith, however, did what anyone asked for a large sum of money over social media would do – which was not respond. 

Lamberto’s was told to file a civil lawsuit to try to get reimbursed, which they’ve done. To make matters worse, the local community decided to start a GoFundMe for Alfredo’s, but it made only $40 before the restaurant shut down the fundraiser, refusing the money. As of yet, the dispute has yet to be resolved. Is there a moral to the story? Perhaps not, but the lord works in litigious ways.