Woman Strikes Jack in the Box Employee With Car Over Missing Side of Ranch

Disclaimer: While this story is dunked in delicious facts, it also contains several complementary sides of satire.

It started with a missing chicken strip and ended with jail time. Talanye Carter, 41, entered her local Jack in the Box on Tuesday to lodge a formal complaint about an order she had made the previous Saturday. Why did it take her so long to complain? Did she think the chicken strip was going to find its own way home somehow?

Whatever the reason for the delay, Carter returned to the eatery and informed the store’s manager that her order from three days ago was missing a single chicken strip… and she wasn’t gonna take it anymore. 

Despite management promptly replacing the missing deep-fried chicken by-product, Carter became irate over the lack of ranch provided for dunking said strip. Can you blame her? Ain’t nobody got time for a dry-ass chicken finger, even a free one.

After composing herself, Carter calmly asked the manager for a side of ranch and went on to have a great day. Just kidding—she spat in the store manager’s face and tried to run her over with her car.

According to a statement from the St. Louis Police Department, Carter exited the Jack in the Box (ranch-less) and proceeded angrily to her vehicle. The store manager was not about to let this transgression go. She utilized a back exit to try and sneak a photo of Carter’s license plate number (RNCH LOVR 69). 

Unfortunately for the manager, her sneak attack was about as subtle as a tornado in a trailer park. Carter immediately realized she was being spied on. She ran at the manager like a linebacker with roid rage and shoulder-checked her repeatedly yelling, “You’re trying to get charges put on me?” 

Meanwhile this guy sat around and did nothing.

Witnesses say Carter then returned to her vehicle, put her car in reverse, and purposely backed directly into the store manager, knocking her onto the pavement in front of a backed up line of cars at the drive-thru.

This very easily could’ve turned into a bloodbath, but thankfully, none of the other waiting customers were triggered by Jack in the Box’s condiment policy. The store manager survived with only minor injuries to her ankle and pride.

Carter promptly fled the scene of the crime and was arrested the following day while putting a 17-year-old Chipotle manager in a headlock for trying to charge extra for guac.

The St. Louis Circuit Attorney’s Office charged Carter with second-degree assault and fourth-degree assault for the Jack in the Box beatdown. Carter remains jailed without bond, and even more tragically, without ranch.