Crypto Bro Becomes Crypto Dad, Streams Daughter, Coin’s Birth

Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.

As far as words go that didn’t exist 20 years ago, “cryptocurrency” is up there as one of the most annoying. There are so many different kinds of cryptocurrency, but only one so far that’s had a government department named after it. The volatility of crypto is a little ridiculous as well. If your gardener can launch a memecoin, that doesn’t speak to any area of financial excellence (but congrats on being able to afford a gardener).

The most annoying part of crypto has got to be the crypto bro, however. At least finance bros went to school to get dubious jobs at sketchy investment firms. Some crypto bros look like they barely graduated from high school and never touched a woman. That’s not the case with one guy, though, who live-streamed the birth of his daughter while also pumping a meme coin, PREGOWIFE.

The man and his wife live-streamed the birth of Solana (naturally named after a crypto network) on memecoin launch channel pump.fun, which might sound fun, but probably not for his wife. At least she got her own memecoin named after her, though. Thankfully for her and humanity, Decrypt reported that the camera was pointed at the ceiling during the birth, but all who witnessed it heard everything while investing in PREGOWIFE. 

Mother and daughter are doing fine, but sadly, the same can’t be said for mom’s memecoin. It had a market cap value of $86,940 a few hours before the birth of the child, but it had decreased to only $9,460 after Solana’s birth. However, it’s what else happened afterwards that had some investors crying more than the baby. The father, who goes by “Lay-Jee-Un,” also launched SOLBABY in honor of his daughter. It was discovered that both of the tokens had more than 50% of them bought in a “bundle,” meaning they were bought in large amounts across multiple digital wallets, suggesting that no one person has too much control over the supply. 

Skeptical investors assumed that Lay Jee Un may have been behind the bundled supply, but he vigorously denied the allegation. He did, however, make $2,830 in creator fees alone in the 24 hours around Solana’s birth. But the birth of her alone proves that he’s not into pump-and-dump schemes. He says that SOLBABY will last forever to represent his daughter. The question is, will crypto last forever, or will it just be a fun fad like Tamagotchi, Skype, and democracy?

This article is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.