Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.

DORSET, England — Lilliput Church of England Infant School has prohibited students from singing songs from Netflix’s KPop Demon Hunters, determining that Netflix’s demon-hunting girl group fails to meet the institution’s standards for appropriate supernatural combat methodology. 

Experts say this pose is harmless, unless you’re a four-year-old in England, in which case it’s banned witchcraft. (Netflix)

Acting head teacher Lloyd Allington notified parents that the ban applies to children aged four to seven, who officials believe are spiritually vulnerable to Korean pop music in ways they are not vulnerable to British colonial history or stories about bears eating children who mock bald prophets.

Officials emphasized that students at this age are developmentally prepared to understand why singing about demons is dangerous, even if they remain confused about basic arithmetic and the concept of Belgium. 

KPop Demon Hunters follows HUNTR/X, a girl group managing dual careers in entertainment and supernatural extermination, a premise the school found concerning primarily for its suggestion that powerful young women might solve problems without male supervision or ecclesiastical approval. It earned five Grammy nominations and placed four songs in Billboard’s top ten, achievements the school’s letter does not specifically cite as evidence of demonic influence but also does not rule out.

“For some Christians, even fictional or playful use of this language can conflict with their faith, which emphasizes rejecting evil rather than engaging with it,” Allington wrote, establishing a theological framework that technically also applies to The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, though C.S. Lewis remains approved pending further review.

They're coming for you next, Aslan! (jhcrawshaw/flickr)

Parents received instructions to discourage singing “out of respect for those who find the themes at odds with their faith,” introducing children to the concept that their enthusiasm might constitute a form of religious violence requiring management. Staff clarified that demons represent “spiritual forces opposed to God and goodness,” a definition broad enough to encompass everything from Lucifer to the school’s WiFi password policy. The goal, administrators said, is upholding the institution’s “Christian ethos,” which historically has included teaching children about an eternal torture dimension but draws the line at K-pop choreography.

Some parents, the head teacher admitted, had praised KPop Demon Hunters for promoting collaboration and compassion, qualities the school promotes extensively through its curriculum on loving thy neighbor, provided thy neighbor isn’t defeating demons without ecclesiastical authorization. “We are not asking parents to tell their children that there is anything wrong with enjoying the film,” Allington wrote, deploying the passive-aggressive reassurance technique perfected by British institutions explaining why you can’t do the thing you wanted to do but shouldn’t feel bad about wanting to do it.

“Our role will simply be to help children understand that some of their peers may hold different views and to explore how we can respect and support those peers in upholding their faith,” Allington explained, establishing that four-year-olds are now responsible for navigating doctrinal schisms that have divided Christianity for two millennia. Officials have not clarified which biblical demons are pedagogically appropriate, though tentative approval exists for Samuel’s witch, Saul’s tormenting spirit, and the Gadarene swine situation, assuming nobody hums about them.

KPop Demon Hunters is scheduled for a sequel, prompting speculation about whether Lilliput will establish a proactive censorship committee or wait to see if the next film includes enough liturgical footnotes to satisfy doctrinal requirements. Officials said they’re monitoring the situation, though the monitoring mechanism remains unclear beyond hoping children forget about Netflix between now and summer term. The diocese has not issued formal guidance on whether demon-hunting falls under the Church’s mission to resist evil or constitutes unauthorized theological freelancing, leaving individual schools to interpret spiritual combat protocol on a case-by-case basis.

Lilliput staff reviewed this perfectly normal glance and declared it ‘a bit too supernatural for a Tuesday.’ (Netflix)

The film’s success presents a particular challenge for administrators attempting to explain why Billboard chart performance doesn’t automatically confer religious legitimacy. “Just because something is popular doesn’t make it appropriate,” one parent told BBC News, a principle the Church of England has maintained consistently for centuries except regarding wealth accumulation, political influence, and premium seating at royal weddings.

The policy takes effect immediately, though enforcement mechanisms remain vague beyond generalized disappointment and the threat of theological confusion. The school has scheduled a follow-up meeting to discuss whether Frozen presents similar doctrinal concerns, given Elsa’s unauthorized ice powers and the film’s suggestion that self-acceptance might solve problems historically addressed through guilt and repression. No date has been set, but officials said they’re taking the matter seriously, or at least as seriously as one can take cartoon snowmen in a post-KPop Demon Hunters world.

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