Flatulent Pigs, Cows Being Forced To Pony Up For Gas Tax

Have you noticed it’s been a bit warmer lately? Sure, everyone can claim that global warming is a hoax, but when even former Presidents are melting in the heat, it’s kind of hard to deny. There are plenty of culprits to go around. First off, the sun. I mean, seriously, why’ve you gotta be so bright? You think you’re so hot, and well, actually you are. And of course there’s carbon dioxide, which could easily be solved overnight by banning all non-electric cars. The odds of that happening are about the same as getting all living things to stop burping and farting to curb methane emissions, another cause of the mercury rising. And Denmark is actually taking steps to start doing that!

Starting in 2030, farmers will be taxed on the emissions from their livestock, meaning there are only five and a half glorious years of unbridled gaseous emissions from their flocks before paying the price. After that, they’ll be taxed 300 kroner (about $43) per ton of carbon dioxide equivalent in 2030, with it increasing further in 2035. Because of income tax deductions, however, they’ll only be taxed 120 kroner ($17.30) initially, with the increase to 300 not until 2035. 

Strangely enough, per NPR, about 90% of the methane comes from the way the animals digest, and a lot of it is actually via burps, not from the other end. The other 10% of livestock methane is from manure ponds from pigs and cows, which means they’ve got about 5 years to learn how to flush. The typical Danish cow produces 6 metric tons (6.6 tons) of CO2 equivalent per year, so even just one cow will cost a farmer about $114 per year in expulsion tax.`

The main issue we’re seeing from this new law is that while the articles about it are focusing on the future carbon tax, none of them offer any solutions to get farmers to cut down or entirely stop methane emissions from their livestock. If you’re a farmer looking to save money on taxes, you’ve got about five years to do the following: 

• Send your livestock to finishing school, where they’ll learn how to cover their mouths when they burp

• Stop feeding your cows and pigs the “cabbage and baked bean surprise” recipe that’s been in your family for decades

• Get your livestock electric cars

• Switch to farming plant-based pigs and cows

• Fess up that it was you all along and stop blaming it on the cows

While Denmark is the first country in the world to do this, they’re hoping other countries follow.