Last Minute Father’s Day Gifts to Definitely Not Get Your Dad

Ok. You forgot it was Father’s Day until you saw that news report this morning, or your mom reminded you of it, or you are just now reading it in this article – which definitely does not reflect well on you – but good news! Your dad probably forgot too. Don’t worry, it’s not too late to do something. But it’s also not too late to do something wrong.

Here are a few tips to help you avoid the latter:

Do Not Ask Him What He Wants

What he probably wants is just to be left alone. It’s a side effect of everyone ignoring him in the normal course of life, and he kind of likes it. But since today is celebratory, he is aware that it is important to you to feel like you did something. Don’t add to his burden by making him lie about it too.

Do Not Make Him Something

He spent your entire childhood encouraging you and hanging your mediocre art projects on the refrigerator. Give him the day off. He doesn’t want to act happy or proud. He is a terrible actor – that’s where you get it from.

Do Not Do Something Elaborate

He really just wants you to feel like you did something, and then he can just watch the game. For him, it’s just cause and effect, but for you, this is 3-dimensional emotional chess. Anticipate that he’s trying to accommodate you trying to accommodate him. Keep it simple. Try to give a gift that is as quick and painless as possible. Everyone will be happier.

Do Not Get Him Clothes

He has steadily honed his unique fashion sense over the years, based on the coexisting principles of comfort, the color schemes of his favorite sports teams, and textiles that are either stain repellent or too complexly patterned to find stains. You believe that he could look sharper, cooler, or less like he just got done painting something and that’s sweet. But that’s not his vibe. So don’t mess with his vibe.

The one exception to this is finding one of his old t-shirts that your mom gave away to Goodwill. Definitely get that but be prepared – he may seem happier than he did in the pictures of the day you were born.

The fact is, a lot of dads tend to like things simple and quiet. And if you play your cards right, you might not have to do much work at all to make your dad feel like the luckiest father on earth.