Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
As heat waves have recently descended on Europe and much of the U.S., the foremost concern on most people’s minds has been the ability of yodelers to continue doing what they love. But as it turns out, there has been no need to fret, for those who yodel are an adaptable bunch of people.
Take the recent yodeling festival held in Basel, Switzerland, which hosted 12,000 performers, including singers and players of the alphorn, a long wind instrument originating in mountainous areas of Europe. The event also attracted nearly 200,000 attendees, as temperatures sweltered in the triple digits Fahrenheit. But when you love to yodel, you find a way, which included singers cooling off in local fountains as they serenely sang their dulcet tones.
As Socrates once asked, "What is a man, if he does not yodel?" (ewajermakowiczphotography/Instagram)
Swiss yodels, known to be slower and more melancholy than other yodeling styles, filled the air throughout the town of Basel. Restaurant-goers about town were initially taken aback by nearby yodels before joining in themselves, as it turns out that yodels are very good for digestion. While some groups of singers found respite in fountains, others took to the Rhine River, but all agreed that it truly felt great to yodel for the public while half-naked.
Some Basel yodelers found refuge in the Rhine, because what is a river, if not a very large fountain? (ewajermakowiczphotography/Instagram)
“I have to admit, for a long time I considered college a cappella groups to be the pinnacle of musical achievement,” said a visitor with a thick Rhode Island accent. “But after attending this festival, my eyes have been opened. Groups of people singing yodels of lament, while going for a dip in a body of water, is sublime art, and truly puts the Beatles and Beethoven to shame.”
Scholars are debating whether this is the most European image ever captured. (baselswizz/Instagram)
While the festival’s yodelers were taking to the water to cool off, the alphorn players stuck to wearing traditional outfits, which were likely heavy and quite warm in the heat. “We alphorn players are a tougher breed, I guess,” said one performer. “Just one look at us, with our obscenely long horns and time-honored rural apparel, and people know not to mess with us.” Throughout the centuries, the alphorn has been taken up by shepherds in the mountains of Europe, and by musicians who wanted a cooler-looking instrument than the piano or guitar.
