Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.

In a bold move to stay relevant and/or appease the algorithmic gods of TikTok, the Cambridge Dictionary has added over 6,000 new words this year, including “skibidi,” “tradwife,” “delulu,” and several others that sound like the last known transmissions from a doomed civilization.

Dictionary was not one of the words recently added. That would be insaneo. ( Fotofabrika/depositphotos)

“Skibidi,” for those who don’t spend their evenings watching animated toilet-headed men on YouTube, is apparently a word that can mean “cool,” “bad,” or nothing at all. Much like cryptocurrency.

Joining it in the hallowed halls of linguistic legitimacy is “tradwife,” a term for women who cook, clean, and smile through Instagram reels explaining why feminism was a mistake. Cambridge insists they’re not judging, just documenting, like a zookeeper watching pandas try to mate for the first time in three years.

Also sneaking in is “delulu,” which is short for “delusional,” as in: “if you think adding skibidi to the dictionary means your crossword puzzle just got easier, you’re delulu.”

But slang isn’t the only thing dictionary nerds are skibidi-bopping about. Thanks to remote work, we now have “mouse jiggler,” which sounds incredibly racist, but is actually the device/software that moves your cursor so your boss doesn’t realize you’ve been “in a meeting” for the last 47 consecutive hours of Elden Ring. This joins the noble tradition of workplace deception alongside the “fake Excel sheet” and the all but extinct “smoke break.”

To preserve balance in the universe, the dictionary has also added “forever chemicals,” which are basically the opposite of “vibes.” It’s unclear if the words were added to help future generations understand the collapse of civilization or just because a bored intern typed “slay” into the corpus too many times.

Colin McIntosh, the lexical program manager at Cambridge, bravely commented, “We only add words that have staying power,” while nervously deleting “planking” from the 2012 edition.

All the cool kids were doing it, honestly! ( Matteo Paciotti/Flickr)

Actual senior lecturer Christian Ilbury helpfully noted that many of these terms have longer histories than TikTok. For example, “delulu” was allegedly used in fanfiction forums back when dial-up was still a thing. “We just didn’t have the dopamine delivery system of short-form video back then,” he added, before opening a Snap and hitting a vape.

Meanwhile, a long line of other Gen Z and Gen Alpha slang terms is reportedly standing outside Cambridge headquarters waiting for their moment, including:

  • Rizz: Charisma, or what dictionary editors desperately wish they had.
  • Sigma male: A lone wolf archetype, but mostly just shorthand for “owns a podcast mic.”
  • Fanum tax: The tax you pay in snacks when your friend visits, which used to just be called “friendship.”
  • Gyatt: An exclamation for spotting someone attractive, now available in three flavors: Original, Low-Sodium, and Gamer Fuel.
  • Skibidi Toilet Season 89 reference #3049: Meaning lost to time, still better than “irregardless.”

And so, the English language marches on, forever evolving, forever delulu, forever skibidi.

This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.