Joseph Conrad Library Book Returned a Mere 90 Years Past Due Date

Ever felt guilty about returning a library book late? (Have you ever even borrowed a library book?). Well, feel guilty no more, as a book was recently returned after being borrowed for 90 years! That’s longer than the lifespan of most humans, and definitely longer than the attention span of most readers.

The book in question is “Youth and Two Other Stories” by Joseph Conrad, a classic author who wrote about colonialism, imperialism, and existentialism. You know, the kind of stuff that makes you want to curl up with a good book and never return it to the library. Apparently, that’s what happened to one patron who borrowed the book from the Larchmont Public Library in Larchmont, New York, in 1933. The book was due on October 11th of that year, but it never made it back to the shelves.

Instead, it ended up in the possession of a woman named Joanie Morgan, who lives in Virginia. She found the book among her stepfather’s belongings after he died in 1978. She didn’t know what to do with it, so she kept it for another 45 years, until she finally decided to contact the library and return it – it must have been difficult to find that address!. She mailed it back at the end of September, almost 90 years to the day after it was originally due.

Now, we know what you’re wondering: how much did she owe in late fees? Well, according to the library’s policy, they charge 20 cents per day for overdue books, but they cap the fees at $5. So, technically, she only owed $5 for keeping the book for nine decades – if they didn’t have that cap, however, she would have owed a whopping $6,570. That’s enough to buy about 657 copies of the same book on Amazon. Or 6,570 copies of “Fifty Shades of Grey”, if you’re into that kind of thing.

But don’t worry, the library was very gracious and waived the fees for Morgan. They also decided to keep the book as a souvenir, because it’s such a funny story. And we agree, it is a funny story. But it’s also a sad story. Because think about it: this book was written by one of the greatest writers of all time, who explored some of the deepest and darkest themes of human nature. And yet, no one has read this copy for almost a century. It was forgotten and neglected, like a lonely orphan in a Dickens novel.

And what did it miss out on? So much! It missed out on World War II, the Cold War, the Civil Rights Movement, the Moon Landing, the Internet, Netflix, TikTok… It missed out on everything that makes life worth living. And for what? To sit on a dusty shelf in Virginia? To be ignored by a man who probably never even cracked it open? To be returned to a library that probably doesn’t even have any other books by Joseph Conrad?

That’s not fair. That’s not right. That’s not justice. That book deserves better. It deserves to be read by someone who appreciates its literary value and its historical significance. It deserves to be cherished and celebrated and discussed and debated. It deserves to be loved.

So we have a proposal for you, Larchmont Public Library. Don’t keep that book as a trophy. Don’t lock it away in a glass case or in a vault or a museum. Don’t let it gather more dust and more cobwebs and more sadness. Give it away. Give it away to someone who will read it and enjoy it and learn from it and then pass it on to someone else who will do the same.

Give it away to us.

Yes, send it to us at Odd News Show. We love books. Fans of Joseph Conrad. We want that book. We need that book. We will take good care of that book. We will read it cover to cover and then read it again. We will share it among our friends and family and colleagues and guests. 

We will give that book the attention and respect and admiration that it deserves.

So please, Larchmont Public Library, please send us that book. We’re begging you.

Please. For the love of Conrad…

Why did the late library book apply for a job at the Odd News Show?

Because it wanted a “novel” career change and hoped to finally get some overdue attention!

another joke

Why don’t books ever get in trouble at the library?

Because they always know when to “shhhhhh-tay” quiet!

Why did the library book return after 90 years?

Because it heard the library had a “late fee” amnesty day and wanted to cash in on the vintage forgiveness!

another one.

Why did the library book by Joseph Conrad go on a 90-year vacation?

Because it was exploring the deep, dark corners of a reader’s bookshelf and got lost in the existential void of procrastination!