Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.

For those who beat themselves up for procrastinating on their to-do lists, this story might console you: a man recently returned a book to the New York Public Library that was overdue by a staggering 72 years.

Screenshot (nypl/Instagram)

Composer Igor Stravinsky’s 1936 autobiography was checked out on April 4, 1952, and was due back two weeks later. The returning man said that his mother borrowed the book from a Bronx branch while she was a music student at Hunter College. She would later work for an NYPL branch for a while, which some might consider ironic or something.

This is what a book looks like. Believe it or not, people used to read them, mainly because they had nothing better to do. (nypl/Instagram)

A recent NYPL post on Instagram included photos of the returned book, along with a letter from a Special Investigator warning that the book was months overdue and that a late fine must be paid at once. If the poor bastard only knew.

The returned book will no longer be available for checkouts. “Even though Igor Stravinsky’s autobiography is an extremely popular book,” said a library official, “rivaling the Harry Potter series and Michelle Obama’s autobiography, we’ll keep this particular copy out of circulation because of the amazing story behind it. And because it’s clear that it’s cursed in some way.”

The Special Investigator’s letter warned that if the matter wasn’t resolved within seven days, there would be consequences. It didn’t work. (nypl/Instagram)

After returning the book unbelievably late, the man explained himself. “I’m just a slow reader, I guess,” he said. “Sure, it took me many, many decades to get through this book, but I wanted to savor every line about the Russian composer who is widely regarded as a major figure in 20th-century modernist music. I now look forward to starting the second book of my life.”

The man added, “Also, our family has always been opposed to paying late fines. So, after the two weeks elapsed in 1952, we decided to hold the book until the library eliminated late fees. Our patience has been richly rewarded, and it only took 72 years.”

This article is based on fully factual news, so if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.