Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.

Hot dogs are usually associated with food at football matches, but not this time. At the Club World Cup in the United States, it’s the sniffer dogs that are stealing the show. Thanks to record-breaking heat, these hard-working canines are now wearing Crocs to keep their paws from burning.

With temperatures in the U.S. soaring to 100°F (38°C), the tournament has turned into a dog-day afternoon, literally. The heat’s been so intense, even the most loyal of security canines have refused to sniff out suspicious packages without a little paw protection. Their demands? Stylish foam clogs with air vents, naturally.

New security protocol: all good boys must be good AND fashionable. (Odd News/Gemini)

According to Dr. Jerry Klein of the American Kennel Club, surfaces like asphalt and artificial turf can burn doggy paws faster than a dodgy VAR decision burns fans’ hopes. “Blisters and burns are real,” he warned, as yet another Labrador adjusted its left Croc like a seasoned diva.

Meanwhile, humans are suffering without such luxuries. Only one stadium has a roof. Players are gasping for air, fans can’t bring in water, and German substitutes in Cincinnati flat-out refused to leave the dressing room. Bayern Munich’s bench basically said, “We came to play, not sauté.”

Chelsea, stationed in Philadelphia, even brought in industrial-sized fans to cool their bench during a 3-0 win, although the sniffer dogs were reportedly unimpressed, having secured their own VIP cooling stations. “Must be nice,” grumbled one overheated midfielder who requested anonymity (and possibly a pair of Crocs).

With the World Cup set to return to North America next year, players and dogs alike are raising their paws and protesting the heat. FIFPro has begged FIFA to change kickoff times, but so far, the only matches delayed are the ones where lightning threatens, not the ones where your kneecaps start sizzling.

And yes, fans are still being asked to hand over their water bottles at security… ironically to dogs now wearing plastic shoes.

This article is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.