Hot Mall Trend Alert: Throwing Things On The Ground

Ah, the shopping mall. While they’ve fallen out of vogue in recent years due to changing retail habits, malls have long been places where teens congregate to eat, hang out, see movies, and occasionally shop. That’s in between bouts of saying stuff like “my rizz is skibdi toilet” and running around doing the latest TikTok challenge like idiots. But according to two news stories that broke over the weekend, there’s a new fun trend taking place at malls across the nation: throwing stuff on the ground!

Yes, that fun game you first learned when you were a little kid, or perhaps learned from a cat at a later age, is back in vogue. Nothing beats the minutes of entertainment you had when you threw some keys, a piece of cake, or your grandmother’s dentures on the ground and an adult picked it up and put it back on the table for you just so you could do it all over again, right? Well, it turns out that what’s old is new again, as police were called to malls in Mesquite, Texas AND Lakewood, Colorado for similar reasons: sounds were mistaken for gunfire and shoppers panicked. The actual reason, yep – ground-related throwing.

Both incidents occurred on Saturday, August 17th, and we’ll save the dumbest for last. In Texas, some geniuses decided it might be fun to throw chairs in the food court at Town East Mall. At least one of the chairs was thrown from the upper-level food court to a lower level. While no injuries were reported, there were reportedly fewer places to sit in the food court after the occurrence. Not that anyone could sit down to eat with all that panicking going on. While the mall remained open after determining that the noises were made by horseplay and not gunplay, some stores opted to close early – probably any of the ones that sold chairs.

The Colorado Mills Mall situation actually led to the mall being evacuated. After evacuating the center, police again began looking for victims when witnesses said that three kids were responsible for the noise, which they said was a prank. The three juveniles, wearing masks, apparently stood up on chairs in the food court and threw milk jugs on the ground, which made the offending noise.

Why did they do this “prank?” Were they lactose intolerant? Did a cow do something to them in the past and they were getting their sweet, pasteurized revenge? Or did they just hate food courts as much as the kids in Texas do? Police haven’t given a reason yet, but they did apprehend two of the three kids white-handed, so maybe we’ll have answers. As for the third, the udder one got away. There’s absolutely no truth to the rumor that the mall has been renamed the Colorado Milk Mall.