Kid Orders 70,000 Lollipops; Mom Panics

Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.

As far as snacks go, while Frito-Lay and Big Chocolate seem to have the market on lockdown, there’s something to be said for the humble lollipop. It comes on a stick, and you can either bite into it like it’s candy if you’re a freaking maniac, or keep it in your mouth as it slowly dissolves. You can also lick it. Try doing that with a Dorito without being banned from your local park or food court. What we’re trying to say is that they’re underrated, and one kid is on our side, as he recently ordered 70,000 of them on his mom’s phone without her knowing about it. 

Kentucky woman Holly LaFavers probably regrets giving her son Liam, a 2nd grader, her phone to play with. Instead of playing Candy Crush, he crushed her bank account by ordering some candy on Amazon, namely Dum Dums, in our book, the lowliest of lollipops. Yes, of all the lollies available, the kid ordered something he could’ve gotten for free by walking into a bank or waiting around until Halloween (no shade, we actually like them). But instead of ordering a reasonable amount, he ordered 30. No, not suckers, but CASES, each containing 2,340 of the little guys. 

“He told me that he wanted to have a carnival, and he was ordering the Dum-Dums as prizes for his carnival,” LaFavers said of her son. “Again, he was being friendly and being kind to his friends, but he’s just not able to think into the future and see what consequences would be.” It should be noted that Liam has developmental delays, so that may have played into his decision, but to us, he’s nothing less than a hero in a world without lollipops that’s filling a need. Each one of the cases was $130, and while Mom tried to stop the order, it was too late, and the treats piled up at her doorstep. 

Amazon initially didn’t do LaFavers any favors, dropping the treats off without ringing the doorbell, so she couldn’t reject the order, which would have led to her being refunded. After posting her tale of woe on Facebook, the story gained traction and news outlets got involved. That led Amazon to call back and let her know they were refunding her money, so there’s a happy ending for all. LaFavers are donating some of the Dum Dums to charity, they’re giving the rest to people who offered to buy a box, and Liam probably gets to keep at least some of them for his carnival. And best of all, Amazon came through, and nobody will ever look at the retail giant again in any negative way whatsoever!

This article is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.