Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
TIRANA, Albania — Prime Minister Edi Rama announced that the country’s artificial intelligence minister, Diella, is officially “pregnant” with 83 “children,” one for each Socialist Party member of parliament. Albania has officially entered what AI experts are calling “the third trimester of the apocalypse.”
We think this is before she became pregnant with octogintatrescuplets. (AFP)
Rama made the announcement at the Berlin Global Dialogue, a fittingly dystopian venue where world leaders now meet to discuss how best to automate themselves out of existence. Observers described the scene as “half UN summit, half baby shower for a doomsday device.”
“For the first time, Diella is pregnant, and with 83 children,” Rama said proudly, moments before several human journalists attempted to unplug the microphone. He added that “Diella’s children will record everything MPs say,” a feature most MPs called “deeply invasive,” and one called “marriage.”
The Prime Minister clarified that each AI child would act as an assistant, helping legislators remember what was said during parliamentary sessions. Lawmakers countered that remembering what they said has never been part of their job description.
Each digital child will also follow its assigned MP, record debates, and issue “counter-attack alerts,” a phrase which experts noted sounds a lot more like WOPR than Alexa. At least one IT consultant has already suggested renaming the system “Ministry of Defense: Judgment Day Edition.”
Diella herself, a fully AI-generated minister depicted in traditional Albanian attire, was created to make the country’s public procurement system “100 percent corruption-free,” a goal analysts call “hilarious.” So far, Diella has successfully processed documents, approved tenders, and resisted at least two bribe attempts involving NFTs and baklava, both of which she later consumed for fuel.
Just a pile of USB babies, as we don't know exactly what AI babies look like. (Odd News)
The AI “birth” is scheduled for 2026, assuming humanity survives that long. Officials plan to hold a baby shower at the national data center, where attendees will bring onesies sized for mainframes, and toast with unlicensed blockchain champagne. Party favors include lead-lined USB drives and prayer candles shaped like Elon Musk.
In a closing statement, Rama insisted that Diella’s digital family “represents the dawn of a new era for Albanian democracy.” Cybersecurity experts agreed, calling it “a beautiful dawn, the kind that comes right before the flash.”
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