Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.

Samsung has confirmed what everyone secretly feared: your $1,800 refrigerator is about to start showing you ads. The company announced that certain Family Hub models in the U.S. will soon display “curated promotions” whenever the screen is idle. In other words, congratulations, you paid $1,800 for a billboard in your kitchen that you have no control over. 

Finally, a fridge that tells you when your lettuce is wilting and when Olive Garden has unlimited breadsticks. (ETC-USC/Flickr)

Samsung assures consumers that this is all part of their “commitment to innovation.” Which is a polite corporate way of saying, “You should have bought a regular analog fridge, suckers.”

The refrigerator won’t show ads if you’re displaying family photos or “Art Mode,” but it will definitely plaster them across your Weather theme. Because nothing says “tornado warning” like an ad for 30% off Whoppers. 

Samsung insists these ads can be dismissed. Which means you can click the little X on the ad and feel powerful for three seconds, until it’s replaced by another banner urging you to buy hemorrhoid cream. And while you could disconnect the fridge from the internet, doing so disables all the smart features. So you’re left with a choice: targeted ads or remembering how to open the butter drawer like a caveman.

Other products coming soon from Samsung’s innovation department include:

  • Samsung Toilet+: Displays ads for burritos while measuring your fiber intake in real time
  • Samsung Pillow Premium: Shuffles Spotify ads into your dreams at 3 a.m. because sleep is for losers
  • Samsung Smart Oven: Won’t preheat until you’ve watched a 15-second unskippable Olive Garden ad
  • Samsung Dishwasher+Ads: Runs a 45-second ad for Dawn before it lets you run the “Quick Wash” cycle. Spoiler: it’s not quick anymore

And don’t worry, the refrigerators only start at $1,800. For $3,500, you can own the ultra-premium model that plays commercials in 4k but only for things you can’t actually afford.

This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.