Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.

It was a gale-force bummer when an upcoming half-marathon, which scientists and tech experts were hoping would be the first one to be completed by humanoid robots, had to be pushed back because of strong winds. So, fierce gusts can be added to the list of robot weaknesses, along with detecting bicycles and stairs on a computer screen when a person is trying to log in to a website.

Robots have previously run parts of races, but the hope was for this event in China to be the first time a human-like robot did the whole thing. Experts hope the new batch of robots won’t be a bunch of whining, lazy quitters like their pathetic predecessors.

“The initial step is to create a robot that can run many miles,” said a very important scientist. “After that, the next step is to think of a reason why time and money are being spent on this.”

Robots are truly a formidable athletic foe — unless it's windy outside. (ifenglobal/Instagram)

The race, which will feature human beings too, was rescheduled for the following weekend. “I’m bummed out about the delay,” said a guy who watches TV sometimes. “I had planned my whole day around watching the half-marathon because I never miss one. I’m a subscriber to the Half Marathon Channel because they’re so much more exciting and life-affirming than those ridiculous full marathons, which I don’t understand and just seem unnecessary.”

Were the robots disappointed about the delay? This raises interesting philosophical questions about whether machines are capable of feeling emotions. When reached for comment, a leading ethicist said, “Can you call back tomorrow? I’m catching up on 90 Day Fiancé, and I can’t really talk now.”

The great thing about humanoid robots is that nothing about them is creepy in any way. (Willy Jackson/Wikimedia Commons)

“One day,” said a leading robot-making person, “we hope to develop technology so powerful that it enables robots to distinguish between Gatorade and Powerade. But obviously, that level of cognition is many decades away.”

This article is based on fully factual news, so if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.