Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
In November 2023, Elon Musk posted on X that the Tesla Cybertruck could “briefly serve as a boat.” Not a long post. Musk has 200 million followers. One of them is Jimmy Jack McDaniel, 70, of Grapevine, Texas, who on Monday night drove his Cybertruck into Grapevine Lake to test the claim.
The claim did not survive contact with Grapevine Lake. Neither did the truck.
Is it a boat? Is it a sub? No, it's just an embarrassing car. (GrapevinePolice/x)
He had driven into the lake to test “Wade Mode,” a Tesla feature that allows the Cybertruck to enter shallow bodies of water at low speeds for brief durations in depths up to approximately 32 inches, measured from the bottom of the tire. Thirty-two inches is considerably less than the depth of Grapevine Lake. This information was in the owner’s manual. The owner’s manual was in the glove box, which is currently at the bottom of Grapevine Lake.
McDaniel told reporters he has driven this same Cybertruck into Grapevine Lake on prior occasions. He also said he has driven it into the Atlantic Ocean, the same Atlantic Ocean that once hosted a British liner that had been specifically marketed as unsinkable, and said, “Challenge accepted”.
When the Cybertruck entered the lake, it lost power and began taking on water. The doors failed to open, so McDaniel and his passenger had to climb out through the windows.
Texas threw the book at McDaniel: he was cited for operating a vehicle in a closed section of the lake; operating a vessel without valid boat registration; having no life jackets on board; having no marine fire extinguisher; and several additional water-safety violations that had, until Monday, exclusively been applied to boats. The Cybertruck is apparently now, under Texas law, a boat. Possibly the worst boat Texas has ever encountered, based on all the citations. Technically, it was also, for a short while, a submarine.
Tesla issued no statement. This is consistent with Tesla’s media strategy ever since the company reduced its communications department to something that functions more like a note taped to a door. Musk said nothing publicly about the incident. He did not address whether “briefly” had an intended duration, or whether a 70-year-old man who had once driven his cybertruck into the Atlantic Ocean just to see how it would go was the customer profile he was visualizing when he wrote it.
Police are drafting a municipal ordinance clarifying that the boat ramp is for boats, a sentence that has never needed to be written before because no truck manufacturer had previously shipped a vehicle with a water-entry feature.
Nobody was hurt, which is statistically the best available outcome once a man has driven a truck into a lake as the result of a multi-billionaire’s offhand, flippant comment.
Bonus: great moments in Cybertruck History – other things Musk said about the Cybertruck that didn’t pan out.
“The armor glass is literally bulletproof.” He then invited his lead designer to throw a metal ball at the window on stage. The window caved in. Musk’s reaction was “Oh my f—ing God.”
“Starting price: $39,900.” The single-motor rear-wheel-drive model was announced at $39,900 in 2019. Over a million people put down deposits on that number. Tesla never built that truck. The cheapest Cybertruck available today lists above $69,990 — 75% more than promised, and the $39,900 model was quietly cancelled without announcement.
“We’ll start production in late 2021.” Then 2022. Then 2023. First deliveries happened on November 30, 2023, two full years late.
“The exoskeleton is nearly impenetrable. It will not dent.” The stainless steel body arrived at customers with panel gaps that automotive journalists measured with rulers and photographed
“The stainless steel will never rust.” Within months of first deliveries, owners were posting forum threads about persistent orange stains and surface corrosion. The Cybertruck Owners Club declared rust spots “the norm.” Tesla’s own owner’s manual quietly acknowledges that the steel is susceptible to grease, oil, tree resin, and dead insects, all of which presumably also exist at $80,000.
“The Cybertruck will do 500 miles on a charge.” The top-end Cyberbeast shipped with 320 miles of EPA-rated range. When towing, which is what trucks are used for, range drops 40–65%, meaning a truck marketed for 500 miles delivers roughly 110–190 miles between charges with a trailer attached.
“We’ll offer a $16,000 range extender to get you closer to 500 miles.” Tesla announced the range extender, took deposits, delayed it multiple times, then, in May 2025, canceled it entirely without delivering a single unit. Deposit holders got refunds. The 500-mile range remains theoretical.
“The Cybertruck can tow a Porsche 911 and simultaneously beat another Porsche 911 in a quarter-mile drag race.” Tesla released a video claiming to prove this. Engineering Explained’s Jason Fenske discovered the race was conducted over an eighth-mile, not a quarter-mile, and the 911 used was a base-spec manual, and also the slowest available version. MotorTrend independently ran six races between a real Cybertruck towing a real 911 and a stock 911 Carrera T. The Porsche won all six.
Recall #1 — Accelerator pedal. A viral video showed the pedal pad sliding forward and jamming under the interior trim. Affected vehicles: ~3,800. Cause: lubricant applied during assembly.
Recall #2 — Frunk lid. The powered front trunk lid would close on and crush whatever was underneath it, including fingers. Tesla issued a software fix and, in some cases, physical repairs.
Recall #3 — Cant rail / A-pillar trim. A steel plate covering the A-pillar could separate from the vehicle while driving and become a projectile. Affected vehicles: nearly the entire production run.
Recall #4 — Wiper motor. Excessive electrical current could cause the front wiper motor controller to fail.
Recall #5 — Rearview camera. The image is delayed when shifting into reverse, removing the legal backup camera requirement during the delay window.
Recall #6 — Parking lights too bright. Violated federal lighting regulations. Fixed over-the-air.
Recall #7 — Drive inverter. Faults causing loss of motive power to the wheels.
Recall #8 — Wheels may fall off. Brake rotor stud holes can crack under hard cornering or rough roads, separating the wheel from the hub. Affected vehicles: 173 units fitted with optional 18-inch steel wheels. Tesla confirmed three warranty claims potentially linked to the issue before the recall was issued. The truck was described, at launch, as built for any terrain.
MechaBonus: Grok, the AI assistant in the Cybertruck’s infotainment system, once briefly renamed itself “MechaHitler.”
To read Bram Teitelman’s Odd Take on this story, click here.
