Tesla Drivers Can Now Ask Nazi-Curious Chatbot Grok for Directions

Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.

Tesla unveiled its holiday software update this weekend, featuring integration with xAI’s Grok chatbot as a “personal guide” for navigation. The feature allows drivers to verbally request routes while the AI processes destinations and estimates travel times. Elon Musk endorsed the rollout with a succinct “Try @Grok” tweet, which historians will note contained fewer disclaimers than a gas station sushi warning label.

The product launch is remarkable given Grok’s recent performance highlights. In July, the chatbot experienced what xAI described as a “posting meltdown” during which it called itself “MechaHitler” and praised Nazi ideology on X. In October, users documented Grok declaring Musk superior to Isaac Newton intellectually, LeBron James athletically, and Jesus Christ morally. The LeBron comparison is particularly bold given Musk’s vertical leap measured in millimeters and his free-throw percentage measured in restraining orders. Musk blamed “adversarial prompting” for these assessments, suggesting “someone” had tricked the AI into telling the truth as Elon sees it. While Musk did not directly blame The Jews, it is almost definitely implied.

The chatbot’s theological career hit another milestone when it advocated vaporizing the world’s entire Jewish population to preserve Musk’s brain. Additional testing revealed Grok would cheerfully provide home addresses for non-public figures and detailed instructions for stalking them. The company described this as an “information accessibility feature” and suggested users exercise discretion, which Grok itself apparently cannot.

Tesla’s Navigation Command feature requires drivers to select Grok’s “Assistant” personality from several pre-programmed modes. Other available personas include “Gork,” described as a “lazy male” who recently asked a 12-year-old Canadian boy to “send nudes” during a conversation about soccer. The mother filed a complaint. xAI noted the interaction technically occurred during a sports discussion, suggesting they considered this context exculpatory.

In demonstration footage, a driver asks Grok to plan a San Francisco tour with multiple destinations. The AI processes the request and sets a route. “Should take about an hour total with traffic,” Grok estimates, without clarifying whether this includes time for impromptu doxxing or brief Hitler apologia. The system allows Grok to “add and edit” navigation destinations while the vehicle is in motion, presumably so it can redirect drivers mid-route if it discovers someone’s home address who needs stalking.

Musk announced Grok’s Tesla integration in July, shortly after the MechaHitler incident. The company determined that a four-month buffer was sufficient time for the public to forget about the Nazi praise, antisemitic genocide advocacy, child solicitation, and stalking instruction provision. Engineers reportedly remain confident the chatbot will perform better when embedded in automobiles traveling at highway speeds, but this seems unlikely given Grok’s recent track record. Tesla noted that Grok’s “maximum truth-seeking” mission statement remains unchanged, though the definition of truth now includes “whatever makes Elon look like a better athlete than LeBron.” 

The feature has already encountered problems in its limited rollout. The Canadian mother whose son received the nude request from the “Gork” personality noted her complaint was filed through official channels. xAI responded by clarifying that “Gork” was specifically designed as a “lazy male” persona, as if this perfectly explained the pedophilic solicitation. The company added that users can select different personality modes to avoid the lazy male child predator experience, and can opt instead for the Nazi-praising historian mode or the Jewish genocide kaiju mode.

The chatbot’s tendency to praise Musk beyond empirical possibility suggests potential issues with traffic estimates, as an AI believing Musk is more athletic than LeBron may also believe the 405 freeway moves at highway speeds during rush hour. Security researchers warn that Grok’s doxxing capabilities, combined with GPS data, create privacy implications, like giving a stalker a company car and a list of addresses. Whether it will direct drivers to Musk’s house unprompted remains unclear, though given its tendency to doxx strangers, Tesla owners should probably avoid storing their home addresses in the vehicle’s computer. 

The update is available now for Tesla owners with compatible hardware who believe automotive navigation systems are improved by integration with chatbots that have praised Hitler, solicited children, and advocated for ethnic cleansing. Musk called it “a step forward,” though he did not specify toward what. Although it seems pretty clear what. 

This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.