Disclaimer: This article is based on actual news from the real world – honestly! However, it has been sprinkled with a healthy dose of satire.
When Halloween ushered in a new era of horror in 1978, people were terrified. It was the first hugely popular slasher film, because what’s scarier than an escaped murderer going on a killing spree in a suburban town on All Hallows Eve with a creepy mask on? We’ve just found the answer to that, and of course, it happened in Boston. What about over 250 maniac Massholes on the loose, cosplaying as the titular killer?
Afterwards, they all went out for some Boston Scream Pie. (Guinnessworldrecords.com)
We’ve often documented the ridiculousness of setting a Guinness World Record, so it should come as no surprise that this was done to break one. 254 Michaels shattered the previous record, gathering at the PAX East convention to carve out a place in history. What was the previous record? Guinness isn’t saying, so we’re assuming this assemblage of unhinged mental patients broke it by 253.
The impetus for all this is a Halloween video game that’s coming out in September, because what fun is racing your plumber brother in a go-kart or crossing a bunch of animals when you could be stabbing a town to death? At least that’s what video game makers IllFonic, publishing company Further Front, and Compass International Pictures, the company behind the film franchise, thought. They were presenting the first gameplay trailer at PAX East on March 28th when they decided that perhaps the unveiling should be significantly more murder-y.
The willing participants all donned the familiar blue coveralls and mask, which, fun fact, was originally a Captain Kirk mask (shout-out to the Shat!). The knives, unfortunately, were fake, to ensure they did not break the Guinness World Record for “most people stabbed at a video game convention,” which is thankfully still 0 as of this story.
“There are a great deal of logistics involved in coordinating a gathering of this size, especially when there are firm guidelines detailing who can participate,” IllFonic’s Miles Dompier said to Guinness. We’re assuming the ‘who can participate’ part probably meant that no actual escaped mental patients were allowed to take part. Also banned: hockey players named Jason, child killers named Freddy, and any dolls that could move on their own.
Illfonic’s booth was set up to look like the house where Myers killed his sister and stalked Jamie Lee Curtis in the 1978 original film. Because nothing should pique your interest in entering a creepy house more than someone asking you to come in and play a game. However, if you’re as depraved as the 254 world record holders and want to put down the knife to pick up the controller, look for the Halloween game at a console near you on September 8th.
It's a bit of a fixer-upper, but the handyman knows his way around a knife. (Guinnessworldrecords.com)
This story is based on fully factual news, but if we got it wrong, blame these guys, we’re just here to make it funny.
