Just Some Guy
Platforms absolutely know which social media accounts are Russian and serve them up to you to piss you off
They insist this is a coincidence,
404: Image got lost in the mail 📬
Humblebrag much?
Incidentally, the last man in the Pentagon with anything near a 2.8 rating on IMDb was Donald Rumsfeld
The Kremlin’s digital sovereignty apparently comes with a 30-day free trial.
Defense attorneys respond with loading screen.
Experts call this a teachable moment.
The case could redefine the legal boundaries between pedestrian awareness and breakfast lust.
After extensive investigation, ancestors conclude, “Yeah, that’s just England”.
Some heroes descend into darkness. This was not one of those stories.
Three months of self-administered eye jackhammer therapy ends exactly how every sane person predicted.
Homeowners now required to obtain informed consent before hanging a tire swing.
As opposed to, you know, anything actually useful.
England arrives to discover the beer equivalent of a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
Consists of bozos and con artists wandering around Nuuk being creepy and weird.
The military insists a human stayed in the loop. The loop declined to comment.
Boston wanted international tourism. The statues had no idea what they were signing up for.
And also not to chug it in airport security lines.
Modern warfare enters its "Got Milk?" phase.
Authorities are concerned that every squid in the region suddenly knows classified shipping schedules.
Ten wins, zero losses, and a flawless record of making things weirder than necessary.
Beef jerky emerges as the unlikely valedictorian of Stoner Academy.
She is the first person to walk Westminster's corridors at 2 am sober since the younger Pitt, who never once managed it.
A judge, a blogger, and an anatomically adventurous ogre.
Some recipes are passed down through generations. So are vendettas.
One visitor took "getting back to nature" several gastrointestinal steps too far.
Nidhogg gnawed the roots of the World Tree for a thousand years, and all he got was a Norway training camp in Greensboro.
Stole $40 million in gold bars in the process.
The burger’s commitment to authenticity raised regulatory concerns.
Raising several questions about why this article is appearing in the news cycle this week.
Proof that some reunion tours are considerably more dangerous than others.
One small step for football, one giant leap for inner-ear health.
A breakthrough for science and a setback for workplace safety manuals.
You’ll just have to read the article to find out what the hell this headline means.
Somewhere in the cosmos, actual aliens are reportedly offended by the comparison.
Turns out “I’ve got this” is also a leading cause of gravity.
New security doctrine identifies "being where information is" as a growing national threat.
The space agency that put humans on the Moon now estimates celestial objects in pachyderms.
Phrasing?
Moscow's latest marvel reached its destination with all the confidence of a GPS set to "chaos."
However, it’s using literally everything else in the toolkit.
Proof that artificial intelligence has already mastered one very human skill: talking for an eternity without saying anything.
Just a normal government initiative involving frozen dictators and medically endangered charcuterie.
Also claim they don’t believe machine elves are real, propose test to be sure.
Patagonia goes full “there can only be one” over a pun and a pair of thigh-high boots.
Florida policing reaches bold new heights in creative nonfiction.
Somewhere in Moscow, a loan officer is being handed a missile launcher and a two-hour webinar.
Three straight wins later, the cheese may need dual citizenship.
The Midwest’s deep-sea era lasted slightly longer than a Spirit Halloween.
In what organizers are calling an unexpected victory for “training” and other antiquated Olympic concepts.
Casting pipeline at major studios: Chris, Chris, raccoon, Chris, raccoon, raccoon, raccoon, Jamie Lee Curtis the one time, raccoon.
The Pope invoked Gandalf while warning AI against dominating humanity and calling for it to be "disarmed." That's a sentence that genuinely escaped into the wild.
Norwegians have always seemed a little too calm and well-organized to be from around here.
In fairness, it did briefly serve as a boat in the same way a piano briefly serves as a parachute.
Somewhere in customs, a trailer got body-sculpted a little too aggressively.
Ain’t no one got time for that.
Punch became internet famous for surviving abandonment; now he survives content creators.
TSA agents train for many scenarios. “Pants monkeys” was not one of them.
Not that Mr. Bean unfortunately.
The only thing scarier than the game title is explaining it at a PTA meeting.
Retired admiral concurs, calls it "world-changing." Congressman suckered into repeating this. Tabloid printed the count.
Proof that some men would rather fake their own death than communicate.
"Musk loves to be glazed, and this person is the doughnut factory" - Academic Quote of The Year contender.
After successfully passing diamonds, he’s apparently ready to pass the bar.
The skies are friendlier when Seat 22B smells like supermarket poultry.
Officials say the recovery effort is underway, making this the fastest-moving pothole project in Britain.
The future of transportation remains trapped in a cul-de-sac.
After campaigning for half a decade against sleepy Joe, it appears President Trump was projecting all along.
Officials described the plan as “stabilizing,” somehow.
New arcade game has players battling Iranian schoolgirls, low-flow showerheads, and the pope.
Weber State rules conference not academic enough to qualify for academic freedom, but academic enough to require censoring. Subcommittee formed to define "real".
At least he didn’t depict himself as Jesus again. But the week is still young.
Officials say the chemicals were not part of an active methamphetamine lab, merely the complete ingredient list for one, distributed across five duffel bags, on the fifth floor, for sixteen days. Sure, that happens.
This is at least the second time the Almighty has personally vetoed a roadside attraction via lightning strike.
Hollywood actor exits Drumnadrochit Hotel having eaten lunch and seen no monsters, which the Loch Ness Centre confirms is consistent with every other visit in recorded history.
Vancouver Police politely explain that running a bracket tournament does not, in fact, qualify a man for "Internationally Protected Person" status, no matter how many fake peace prizes he hands out.
Vantara sanctuary, currently subject of a Supreme Court investigation, says it has the "expertise, infrastructure, and resolve" to receive 80 invasive Cocaine hippos.
And also gremlins, ogres, and pigeons. What the hell is going on over there?
Which is a question they probably should have asked before the war even started.
Pro-Kremlin separatist warlord hands out Glocks to Kim Jong Un, Bashar al-Assad, and Steven Seagal, because the Marked for Death program has loosened its eligibility requirements considerably.
Kremlin debuts new “invisible military” strategy, hopes no one notices.
Companion bills in Ohio: Superman as state superhero, buckeye as state candy, WKRP turkey for state bird (I made up that last one).
Marion County deputies confirm what the algorithm could not: that "janek_trollz" is, in fact, a troll.
Pasta sauce brand partners with StoryCorps to archive the exact moment Dad wrongly explains tariffs again.
Researchers tracked 105 smolts, most of whom have now started a podcast.
In Russia, the algorithm is just another guy in the room nodding along.
Hydrology, but make it bathroom humor so people actually keep reading.
Because blaming video games, television, D&D, Satan, and fatherless households instead of the guns is completely played out at this point.
From Big Top to Papal Throne, the lessons never left.
Proof that somewhere nearby, your life might be getting parallel-parked by someone else.
Seaman High juniors bypass traditional limo market with Oscar Mayer Wienermobile
Limp Bizkit frontman and noted Loserville impresario replies to Lil Wayne's Coachella pity post with what appears to be a business proposal.
Russia counters with new coal-powered reconnaissance horse.
Heterosexuals: now with 100% more accidental homosexuality, apparently.
Teller concurs in writing.
Marketing director goes on record with the word "paranormal".
These aren't the minifigs you're looking for.
Crocodiles yet to confirm participation, but reportedly very interested.
This is why we can’t have nice things.
A Nairobi judge has determined that the man who showed up at the airport with 2,200 ants in test tubes was, in the court's words, "not an entirely honest person".
Defense Secretary prays at the Pentagon with great vengeance and furious anger, which coincidentally is also how he was confirmed.
Somewhere, a rainbow just got replaced with a stock photo from 1957.
